Our kids are growing up in a world that is very different to the one we grew up in. And while our obsession with technology has led children to being exposed to a lot of screen time, it will be years before we know what the consequences of that exposure will be.

In this new world cyber-bullying is spiralling out of control, and peer pressure, while it’s always been present, has developed a new and sinister urgency. Add to this mix the fact that parents are working harder than ever before, so family communication suffers. We may not recognise when our children are experiencing emotional difficulties.

So what emotional signs should we look out for? How do you know if you should take your child to see a therapist?

Teenagers

Anxiety is a fact of life for teenagers. Anxiety about friends, feeling uncomfortable at school, issues with their learning, changes in the family such as separation and divorce, illness and hospitalisation – these are all part and parcel of growing up. A psychologist would describe these situations as mild.

Sometimes it’s helpful for teenagers to have counselling, much the same way you would have coaching for sport. It can help regardless of their mental and emotional state.

If the child is happy, and is not showing distress, then a couple of sessions would probably be plenty.

But sometimes the anxiety is more concerning. Sometimes teens deal with issues and situations that are extremely difficult. Death, drug addiction, serious depression – these types of situation require significant support.

Look out for these signs of distress:

• Is your child suffering from sleeping problems?
• Has your child missed school because of their anxiety or depression?
• Has your child missed any family activities because of their anxiety or depression?
• Does your child have any physical problems because of anxiety such as abdominal pain, weakness, trembling or sweating?
• Is your child’s anxiety or depression causing you to worry?
• Is your child’s anxiety or depression affecting your relationship with your partner or your other children?

Finally if your child is showing signs of very high distress such as daily crying, self-harm, thoughts of suicide or dangerous or risky behaviour, then you should seek help immediately.

Children

Therapy for children is different from counselling for teenagers. Children often don’t talk about how they feel or experiences that have affected them. Instead, they use play as a vehicle to act out feelings and make sense of their world.

Child therapy facilitates this, by encouraging the child to play, use clay, paint and draw. Through these mediums they can explore relationships, enhance their social skills and learn self-awareness.

The psychologists are trained to observe the child at play, and they can facilitate the child’s personal exploration of particular issues in their lives. They do not try to diagnose or label the child’s behaviours, instead, child psychologists seek to understand what are the issues underlying the behaviours.

It’s important to remember that child counselling is not designed to lead to any particular outcomes, except to help the child grow up as happy and as well-adjusted as possible, and allow their development as an individual.

There are times when child counselling can be helpful. Consider taking your child to see a psychologist when any of these are a factor:

• Changes to family circumstances
• Experiencing traumatic events
• Loss and grief
• Excessive anger, worry and fear
• Low self-esteem
• Difficulty developing friendships
• Challenging behaviours
• Difficulties at school
• Abuse and neglect
• Bonding and attachment issues
• Illness and hospitalisation

Finding the right counsellor

It’s important to find the right therapist for your child or teen, because the effectiveness of the therapy is determined by the relationship between the patient and the counsellor. It might take  while to find the right counsellor so be prepared for this.

It’s common for teenagers to be reluctant to see a therapist because they are concerned about confidentiality. Young children worry they are seeing a counsellor because they have done something wrong. It’s important that you find the right language to talk to your child/teen so that they feel comfortable about the experience.

You can find lots of information and useful advice about children and psychologists online. With more than 8000 psychologists from around Australia listed in the Yellow Pages, you can easily find someone to talk to today.