Talga Vines Vineyard Escape

Be warned... We couldn't find any reviews before booking this place, so let our experience help you!

This place is FILTHY and, despite having charming "no smoking" signage throughout, absolutely reeks of cigarette smoke. It was just through everything, including the towels and dishtowels. You will wake up feeling as though you've smoked a pack of Camels.

The cleanliness of the house was sub-par, to say the very least. There was grime caked around the bathroom vanity and tap fittings, and the bath mats in both the toilet and bathroom were already dirty (and obviously had not been washed) before we arrived. There were grubby foot prints on the bath mat. I cannot overstate the filthy state of this place enough. The fridge was basically unusable. The stench which came from it whenever the door was opened lingered in the room long after it was closed, and due to this we couldn't store any food in there at all, so every meal was to be eaten out (however, in saying that, the cigarette smell and general grottiness of the place made us more than happy to leave at every available opportunity). Every single surface of the home was dirty and grimy.

Then there was the joy of discovering there was no hot water on the first night of our stay. Apparently the gas bottle had run dry, and this couldn't be addressed until the morning. Trust me, after spending a few hours in this place, you would really feel like a hot shower.

Lastly, the home is marketed on some sites as sleeping up to 15 people, and on others as 10-12 people. This astounds me, given that even with only 5 of us there we could not all be simultaneously accommodated on the couch and one person needed to sit on the floor, and when sitting around the (very cramped) dining room table, we constantly needed to stand up and shuffle to let someone pass by; not to mention the fact that there is only one (disgusting) toilet and (equally disgusting) shower!

The decor is difficult to describe, but if I had to try to, it's w